Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Randomize
