I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
