Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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