True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know her cup size but not her name....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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