I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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