the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
