I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
