Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
