Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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