i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
