70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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