Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
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one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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