Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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