I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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