guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
