WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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