My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
