so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
