It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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