I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
