I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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