I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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