The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize