So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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