Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
