so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
