How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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