No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize