It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
