Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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