Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
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we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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