wakey wakey hands off snakey
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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