Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
