Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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