So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
the raccoons are back...
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