She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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