i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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