I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize