i just wanna soil my oats bro
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
