Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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