Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
