When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
