i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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