I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
