i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
