please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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