I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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