Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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