they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
