the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
