I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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