UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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