I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
