4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
