and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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