You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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