so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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